


Voice

by EternalElegy



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29876874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalElegy/pseuds/EternalElegy
Summary: “Why did you call me?”“I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Relationships: Saegusa Ibara/Sazanami Jun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	Voice

Out of all the things that stuck with Jun from his first solo lesson with Ibara, it was Ibara’s voice.

That strict business tone was still annoying at the very best, but Jun was surprised at how much he had to learn from Ibara, even after spending time with Hiyori as part of Eve. Ibara was somehow knowledgeable in everything, from the business side of things, to manipulating people, to idol activities. All of those vocal and dance instructions were so extremely helpful that Jun felt like he had tapped into a whole new world of knowledge that Hiyori had somehow missed, despite all of his senior’s power and talent as an idol. Ibara made it worse by explaining, using himself as an example. Then Ibara made it even worse by doing it all so flawlessly and effortlessly. Jun thought that that was the end of it, but then Ibara said that Nagisa (or “His Excellency”, which was definitely a strange title to use when one wasn’t in the military) was miles ahead of him and he had no hope of being able to reach his heights.

Jun realised that he was the weak link in Eden. That stung just a little bit.

Jun got to sing with Ibara. Ibara’s voice was smooth and so amazingly well-balanced that Jun had to stop and think for a moment. Did he really belong here, in an extremely talented idol group? Ibara made it sound so easy to sing with someone else. Jun and Hiyori were supposed to be one body, one soul, and that kind of implied that Jun wouldn’t be able to have this kind of connection with anyone else, but singing with Ibara genuinely made him question that. Jun couldn’t help his curiosity and asked about why their voices blended together so smoothly even though it was the first time they had talked to each other as fellow idols (and not as producer and idol). Ibara put on that characteristic smile and said that he had worked hard to be able to support Nagisa, because otherwise Adam as a unit couldn’t be successful.

Jun thought about it. Hiyori was a far better idol than he was, and yet he was trying to establish a presence that matched Hiyori’s as much as possible on stage in order to act as equals, while there was a very clear power imbalance in Adam. At the same time, both Adam and Eve were able to gather similar amounts of popularity. It seemed like there was no single correct answer to tackle the problem of unequal abilities.

The two hours flew by and Jun headed back to his dorm in Reimei. While he was being transported, he took notes of the things that Ibara had taught him, but he remembered everything from that vocal lesson with remarkable detail. He remembered singing for Ibara, then Ibara told him something about his singing, then Ibara sang to illustrate his point, and then Jun understood, and this process repeated itself for some time. Those moments kept on playing themselves over and over again in Jun’s head, even after he finished his notes, and then he realised with some alarm that Ibara’s voice-

Jun couldn’t place a finger on what it was about Ibara’s voice that made it stick to his mind this firmly. Eventually, it got to the point when it wasn’t just Ibara’s singing voice. It was also the singing, and the talking, and the laughing, and the sighing, that all began to echo uncontrollably at the most inconvenient times possible.Jun seriously had to take some time and effort distracting himself to stop it.

It was only during SS when Jun found out that Ibara became an idol only out of convenience. 

At the time, Jun had other things to worry about (such as the fallout that the higher-ups of CosPro had created), but thinking back to that, Jun felt frustrated that someone could have all the tools they needed to become one of the best idols ever, and then choose to not even use them. Ibara had a good face. Ibara had a nice body and definitely took care of it. Ibara had a good voice. Ibara was a fast learner. Ibara was resilient. Ibara was good at dancing. Ibara had a good voice. Ibara was a hard worker. Ibara had a good voice. Did he say something about Ibara having a good voice yet? Ibara had a good voice. 

Jun thought back to the time when Hiyori said that he had picked Jun up partially because of his voice, but then he thought about Ibara’s voice and how much his own paled in comparison.

… Since when was he so caught up about this?

* * *

It soon became apparent that Ibara had armed every single part of his existence somehow, and his voice was no different.

It was a poison that had seeped straight into Jun’s brain and by the time he realised what was happening, it was far too late. Before, that tone had sent off alarm bells in Jun’s mind, telling him that the thing in front of him was a predator in disguise that was going to devour him whole as soon as he lowered his guard, but now… well, Jun supposed that it was fine to let it go. Ibara was his producer after all, and it would make no sense for Ibara to have any ill intent towards him. If anything, Jun came to realise that Ibara found value in him, if only for the fact that he was still in Eden. Eden was Ibara’s very own precious unit that he took to the finals of SS and to the top of ES, after all.

Then came the teasing. As time went on, Jun found that Ibara was treating him more and more like an equal, even though Jun could only tell after some hard thinking. Ibara was still his producer, but the odd joke here and there, the snide remarks that came out of that mouth… It amused Jun. It was amusing enough that Jun couldn’t help but join in on the fun, countering with jokes of his own. Every single time, without fail, he was met with a smirk. At first, Jun felt that fear kick in, a fear that had been conditioned into him from all the abuse that he suffered as a non-special student, from showing an awful amount of disrespect towards Ibara despite his position. Eventually, as Ibara continued to react in that way, Jun got comfortable. It felt strange, feeling safe while looking at a viper in the eye. There was no way Jun would want to engage with Hiyori this way, and there was no way Ibara would want to engage with Nagisa this way, so they were happy to be in their own little world as they threw harmless words at each other, like two children play-fighting.

It became apparent that this was a poison that only Jun was vulnerable to. What was even worse was that the poison got more potent over time.

Eden’s scheduled lunches were always an interesting experience, because they brought about some kind of domestic feeling that no one at the table was all that familiar with. Jun didn’t really know why this felt even remotely similar to the dinner times back when he was a child, before his father began to treat him as something less than human. They were all merely co-workers, talking about whatever co-workers talked about, but something about this was very… homey. It wasn’t like Ibara had cooked anything for them (everything was ordered from the cafeteria) and it wasn’t like they were gathering together because they were obligated to by some bond that had formed before they were even born. Jun supposed that they were obligated to gather anyway, if only because Ibara had put it on everyone’s schedule to come together as Eden for lunch, but there was still something about this atmosphere that was pleasant to Jun. It was a sense of belonging that Jun had never been able to properly experience. It was a sense of belonging that no one in Eden had ever been able to properly experience.

Ibara rambled on and on about work and upcoming jobs as usual, as if he was married to his work, but gradually, Jun found that he was less and less able to concentrate on what Ibara was actually saying, and more and more on that impossibly smooth voice that he had heard a billion times already over the last two years. 

Jun couldn’t believe that he now had to put in some conscious effort into processing what Ibara was saying. Ibara always worded everything in an easily understandable way so that couldn’t have been it, but there was something about Ibara’s voice that was so distracting...and Jun was frustrated at the very least. His inability to stay focused on the information being fed to him didn’t particularly come in handy whenever Ibara held briefing sessions for them at his office.

“And that’s the rundown of the job! Does anyone have any questions?” Ibara finished his presentation with that characteristic smile and those sharp blue, confident eyes swept the faces in front of him. The rest of Eden, seated on a rather large sofa in Ibara’s office, had no objections. However, it seemed that Ibara had one of his own.   
“Jun, have you been listening?”

Jun thought he had been. Apparently he hadn’t, when he realised that the past few minutes had disappeared. 

“No, sorry.”   
“Thank you for being honest! I understand that I’ve given this briefing after you’ve had a hard day at work.” It was half an excuse. “Your Excellency and Your Highness, you may leave if you wish. I will run through the details again with Jun.”    
“... Okay. Thank you, Ibara.” Nagisa responded.   
“Let’s work hard like always!” Hiyori had done just as much as Jun this day, but his energy levels were very far from low. The two older members of Eden vacated the office, and suddenly Jun was hyper aware of the fact that he was alone in a room with Ibara, as if he was some blushing teenage girl alone with a crush-

Wait. Wait wait wait. What kind of brain damage did he suffer from for him to be thinking like this? Maybe Ibara had laced something into Jun’s lunch and it was beginning to kick in now.

“Jun, have you been sleeping properly?” Ibara tilted his head, putting his hands on his hips.   
“Yeah.”   
“Do you need me to reduce your workload?”   
“I’m okay.”   
“Then in that case, it would be appreciated if you paid attention! I hope you realise that time is precious.”   
“Yeah, sorry. I’ll do my best next time.”

Jun made extra sure that he was listening when Ibara ran through it the second time.

* * *

One of the things Jun learned that day was that Anzu had a surprising amount of physical strength for someone with her small stature. He had only just gotten used to seeing her in her office attire instead of her school uniform, but it turned out that the Yumenosaki student had a lot more surprises up her sleeve. First it was her godlike ability as a producer, and then it was her godlike sewing skills (he had discovered this through Ibara’s exclusive outfit), and now it was… Jun wouldn’t have expected her to be able to carry the amount of documents that she was currently holding. 

Jun had finished his workout and was ready to head back to his dorm, but that didn’t mean that he was going to just walk by Anzu like that without offering his assistance. Jun learned that Anzu was going to deliver the documents to the CosPro offices. Maybe he’d get to see Ibara if he happened to poke his head out of his own office, which Jun heard was beginning to function as a living space as well as a working space.

“Good evening, Producer-dono! Thank you very much for taking time out of your extremely busy schedule to deliver these documents! I’m greatly honoured by your charity! In the future, please give me a call and I can do the transporting instead!” Ibara saluted before quickly moving to take the paper out of Anzu’s arms. Jun sighed. Ibara was absolutely sucking up to her and it was both exasperating and highly amusing at the same time. Anzu somehow didn’t give in; in fact, she responded as if all the poison Ibara had spat right on her face was just some harmless salt water. Had Ibara always treated her this way? Jun didn’t know how the P-agency member could keep her cool through all of that super-obvious sweet talk. Maybe that was why she was a worthy member of a powerful yet neutral party of the ES.

Jun held back a snicker as Ibara continued.   
“Ah, that’s right, it is getting late, so I imagine that you would be going home soon to rest, correct? It is my duty to ensure that Producer-dono gets a good night’s sleep! Feel free to ask, be it lullabies or anything!”

Anzu responded in a very calm and normal voice that she would consider Ibara’s offer, before she politely dismissed herself and headed back to her office. Ibara saluted. Jun almost burst out laughing.   
“Let’s drop these documents off in my office. What’s so funny?” Ibara’s act disappeared as soon as he turned to Jun.   
“How would you have reacted if she actually said yes to your offer?” Jun couldn’t help but grin.   
“I would gladly sing her to sleep, of course!”   
“I think that’ll make for a cute scene, actually. The great viper Ibara Saegusa, singing a fellow producer to sleep~”   
“For some unknown reason, many of my fans associate me with that adjective. I didn’t think I’d ever hear those words come out of your mouth.”

Jun didn’t have a comeback ready for that, so they spent the rest of their short journey to Ibara’s office in silence. All of the business was quickly handled, and soon, Jun headed back to his own dorm with a quick goodbye.

* * *

Jun realised that night, with almost overwhelming horror, that  _ he wanted Ibara to sing him to sleep. _ The thought came just as quickly as it went, and it was so horrifically intrusive that it was unsettling at the very least.

He tossed and turned for a solid hour that felt like more than forever before he finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Some time passed. 

Everyone’s abilities as idols had evolved, and Jun and Ibara were no exception. Jun could notice his steady improvement, from his own self-reflections and the way the rest of Eden praised him after lives and practices, but everyone around him was changing. Everything around him was changing. And that included Ibara’s voice.

During Eden’s lives, Jun sang and danced just like he did every time, putting all of his heart and soul into every performance, and he was sure everyone else did too. Well… maybe not Ibara. Ibara didn’t have passion for being an idol at all, but that didn’t stop him from giving his all, nor did it stop him from being a ridiculously good idol.

And that didn’t stop his voice from being ridiculously good either. It took a while for Jun to come up with a more precise adjective that described the way his brain  _ reacted _ to it, but it came to him one day.

Alluring.

Jun wanted to punch himself in the face. However, that didn’t stop his brain from focusing on that voice whenever he heard it, no matter how much he tried to force it to think about something else,  _ anything  _ else. Eden was supposed to be enticing their audience to come to paradise. Hell, Jun was supposed to be one of the people doing that, and yet he was being affected by Ibara’s voice. This wasn’t part of the plan. It was smooth and alluring and it could stand out perfectly well on its own and blend in perfectly with Jun’s own voice, or Nagisa’s voice, or Hiyori’s voice, and it was so soothing to listen to that Jun thought for a moment that he could listen to Ibara talk on for hours and hours and he wouldn’t be tired of it. 

Of course, Jun had heard Ibara’s business tone far too many times, but he had somehow been able to find new dimensions in that voice. The bright tone that matched that upbeat personality that he displayed to the world, the strength and power that proudly displayed his self-confidence, with every single word articulated so cleanly and clearly that no one wouldn’t want to listen to what Ibara had to say. Every single time Ibara laughed, it was the perfect amount of length, the perfect amount of volume and the perfect amount of syllables that Jun wondered whether Ibara had spent hours in a soundproof room just practicing it, as ridiculous as the idea sounded. At first, Jun had found that laugh obnoxious, but now, it sounded so pleasant to his ears that it was unsettling. Jun wondered whether some of Ibara’s vocal training as an idol was helping him with his business negotiations, considering that Ibara was happy to use every single psychological weapon at his disposal. 

Jun was sure that nothing had actually changed about Ibara’s voice over time and he was just suffering from some kind of brain damage for… being around Ibara. There really had to be something wrong with him if he was affected to this extent, and he wasn’t even spending that much time with him.

Then Jun thought about that time before a live, when Nagisa and Hiyori had already gone to the stage and it was just him and Ibara in the waiting room.

Ibara was tapping away at his tablet, seemingly in a hurry from the rhythm of his fingers on the screen and the tense expression on his face. Jun observed for a moment. Here Ibara was, about to go up on stage as a member of one of ES’s Big Three, and yet he was still attending to his duties as a Vice President and a producer up until the very last moment.    
“Jun. What are you doing here?”    
“I just wanted to hang around for a little longer. Something wrong?”   
“No.”    
“They’ve already called us up, you know.”   
“I’m aware.”

Ibara’s voice had been ever so slightly strained. His energy levels were often a step higher than usual before live shows, but for some reason, today was different. Ibara had been trained to hide all signs of weakness, and yet Jun could hear the slightest bit of vulnerability through his voice and he didn’t know what to think about it.

“Trying to squeeze in some last minute work before we perform?” Jun asked, suddenly hyper-aware of how his own voice cut through the silence.   
“It would be appreciated if you would allow me to concentrate.”   
“I’ll head up with Nagi-senpai and Ohii-san then. Are you going to be okay?”

Ibara paused. Jun thought for a split second that he had said something wrong and he was about to pay for it.   
“... There’s no need to worry about me.”

Jun exited the room alone.

* * *

Apparently the thing that Ibara had been working on before that live was something about a trip across Japan, except only Adam was going and Eve was staying put at ES. Ibara never told Jun why, but he suspected that it was something about being able to cover as many areas as possible, just like how Adam and Eve operated separately when Nagisa and Hiyori were still in high school and ES didn’t exist.

Jun never needed to meet Ibara that often anyway. It was only once every few days. Ibara was only going away for a week. And yet, Jun longed so much just to hear Ibara’s voice that it drove him crazy enough to open up an MP3 of one of Eden’s songs. Unfortunately for Jun, it came nowhere near the  _ realness _ of hearing that voice in person. As advanced as recording technology was, it failed to capture the completeness of the sound. The sound from the recording never reached Jun as much as the sound from the actual person did. It was missing something.

A soul.

It was only the middle of the week. That evening, Jun didn’t have the energy to stop himself from opening up his phone and dialing Ibara’s number. Jun’s nervousness multiplied with every beep.

“Ibara Saegusa speaking.”   
“Hey, it’s Jun.”

“Why did you call me?”   
“I just wanted to hear your voice.”

The silence stretched. Jun had to admit that he wasn’t particularly in control of himself, but he was already getting the mental relief he needed by hearing Ibara speak two whole sentences.

“You could have listened to the recordings of our songs.”   
“Yeah, but that’s just a recording. I wanted to hear your voice directly from you.”

Apparently something longer than forever existed. Jun stood under a light a small distance away from the main footpath that led into the dorms, the pounding of his heart mixing in with the distant sounds of traffic in the city that surrounded ES. As he looked down, he could see his own shadow created by the light, shaping his outline perfectly, his hair included. As he looked up, he could see the clear night sky, littered with stars, stars that Ibara would also be able to see some long distance away. Jun could distract himself as much as he liked, but ultimately, everything went back to the fact that something was missing. There was something that he wanted to hear, but wasn’t hearing in this immediate moment and it was uncomfortable… until the person on the other side of the phone began to speak again.

“Well, you’ve heard it now. Did you have any other business with me? I’m a little busy at the moment, so unless it’s urgent, I’d appreciate it if you could allow me to do my work.”

Ibara’s voice had started and then stopped. Jun didn’t really catch what he said. Something inside Jun wanted it to continue, but something else said that if he tried to extend the conversation unnecessarily, that could cause their relationship to go south, if only a little. That could mean hearing Ibara’s voice less. Jun did not want that.

“I’ll take it that you have nothing else to say to me, so I’ll be hanging up now. Have a good night.”

The phone clicked on the other end as the connection was lost. Jun let the phone beep on four times before he managed to get a hold of himself to click off the call. Everything and nothing was happening in his mind right now as he stared at the grass below him. The call played itself over and over in his head. It was only through a phone, with a similar quality to how it sounded through the recordings, but it was still Ibara’s voice. Ibara was speaking on the other side of the phone. Ibara Saegusa was speaking on the other side of the phone, his voice transmitting through the device right into Jun’s ear. That was all that was happening on a literal level, yet to Jun, it felt like so much more had happened, like Ibara was sending some kind of spiritual energy over with his voice being the carrier of it. Jun had basked in it. It felt… Jun wanted to place a better adjective on it than “good”. 

Jun eventually gave up on trying to decipher the chemicals in his brain. By the time he finally did, a concerned Kohaku had come outside to look for him.

* * *

Ibara came back a few days later during the evening. By this point, Jun realised how exhausting it was to deny every single little thing that he felt towards Ibara. So what if he liked Ibara’s voice? He was allowed that, right? That’s why everyone had their favourite singers and listened to their favourite voices over and over again, even if they knew nothing about the owner of the voice on a personal level. Jun just liked Ibara’s voice. That was it. He might have derived a ridiculous amount of joy from that voice and that was okay, because it was okay to like something a lot. That said nothing about what Jun thought about Ibara himself. That was the important part. No personal feelings. 

All of that calmness and resolve got thrown out the window when Jun received a text from Ibara asking him to come to his office when he was finished with work.

Jun didn’t really know what he was thinking as he made his way up to the CosPro offices in an almost zombie-like manner. He was dropped off at ES by the CosPro courtesy car. He walked through the sliding front doors. He greeted the receptionist and was granted permission to enter. He travelled up the elevator with all of its boring elevator music. He walked down the corridor a little. He greeted CosPro’s receptionist, who gave him directions into Ibara’s office. 

And then he was standing outside a door that he had definitely entered before, but suddenly it felt like he was going into it for the very first time as his heart jumped to his throat. Ibara Saegusa, Vice President. That’s what the door label read, Jun thought dully as he raised a hand to knock. How many knocks should he do? Was three appropriate? Two? Was he going to greet Ibara as he walked through or was he going to say “excuse me”, because he could be walking in on Ibara working? What was Ibara going to be wearing, considering that he just came back from a trip? What was Ibara going to look like? Would he look exhausted? Would he sound exhausted?

“Fuck it.” Jun whispered to himself, knocking on the door three times, his heart beating twice before he got a response.   
“Come in!” Ibara’s called from within, his voice muffled by the door, and Jun’s stomach lurched as his body automatically opened the door, inviting itself into the office.

Ibara rose from his desk as Jun entered.   
“Welcome, welcome! Thank you for coming on such short notice!” Ibara smiled that familiar business smile, saluting as he did so.   
“Yeah, I wasn’t busy anyway so it’s no problem. What did you want to talk about?”   
“Ah! I wanted to explain what will be happening with Eden for the new few weeks.”   
“What is it?”   
“Eden will be splitting up!”

Ibara grinned like he had just delivered the greatest news ever. Jun blinked.   
“Again? Don’t tell me-”   
“Don’t worry, it will be nothing like Conquest! This time, the individual members of Eden will be paired up with someone else of the opposing subunit, in order to gain new perspectives and to further increase the growth of each individual member! You’ll still be going to work with His Highness as Eve and the same with His Excellency and myself as Eden, but we will be doing a couple of special jobs and a live show as these new duo units!” 

Ibara’s smile grew wider and wider as he went on, and it reminded Jun of his gleeful expression that he wore as he plotted away in preparation for SS. Jun wondered why the producer was so happy about this. Perhaps it was because of the prospect of more money, more power, and more fame. Either way, Jun didn’t know how to react like this at all. Maybe he should have seen something like this coming, considering how well Conquest did in terms of the amount of money it raked in (even though Ibara’s blood pressure had shot through the roof in the days leading up to the Conquest live).   
“Ah, but of course! Because we haven’t worked together so closely before, I have organised for us to do many of our usual day-to-day activities together! Eden’s scheduled lunches will continue as normal, but essentially, you will be spending significantly more time with me in order to improve our teamwork! Nothing is as bad as a duo unit that cannot get along!”

_ Wait _ . Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. 

“... I’m your partner?”   
“Precisely! We may have a very long way to go compared to the bond that exists between His Excellency and His Highness, but I’m sure that we can perhaps begin to match the way they complement each other both during work and on-stage!” 

This was an extremely unexpected turn of events. 

“We already work together pretty well, though?” Jun questioned.   
“Even though we are the lesser ones, we must be able to establish presences that can match them! As you are already aware, the two of them act very much like soulmates.”   
“Are you asking us to become soulmates?”   
“Ahahaha! To think that I would be more knowledgeable than you on such a romantic concept! Soulmates are not simply made, Jun. We either pretend that we are, or we simply realise that deep unbreakable bond that’s stronger than anything else in the world!”   
“I’m not sure what I think about you talking about soulmates with that mask of yours. Maybe you should take it off before talking to me about such a thing?”   
“I’m glad that you can see right through me, it’s proof that we don’t have to start from the very bottom with our relationship!” 

Jun sighed. This was not the first time Ibara had been cryptic like this. Jun knew that Ibara weaponised every single word that he said, but if that was the case, he couldn’t figure out in the slightest why Ibara was saying these kinds of things to him. It seemed so unlike Ibara to delve into the world of love when he clearly despised it so much, but at the same time, he was skirting around on an awfully grey area and Jun planned to tread very, very carefully. Perhaps Ibara was talking about this to butter him up, considering they would be spending a lot more time together now? If that was the case, then it wouldn’t hurt to play along for a while… right? Jun couldn’t deny that Ibara was right; having a pleasant relationship with Ibara would be the best for both of them.

“So, what’s happening next?” Jun didn’t respond to Ibara’s comment, the slightest bit of nervousness creeping up from behind his mind. For a moment, he couldn’t figure out why he was feeling this way, but then-   
“A teaser announcement regarding this will be going ahead tomorrow morning! Your schedule will remain the same, but you may find that you’ll have some additional company with some of your activities from now on!” Jun could practically hear the wink in Ibara’s voice, even though Ibara’s expression was unchanging.   
“I didn’t realise that the Vice President of Cosmic Production would look forward to hanging around trash like me~”    
“You say that as if I’m not just as low as you, and I sure don’t live up to the expectations of all of those non-special students calling me a prodigy! I’m glad that you’re willing to make space in your dump for me!”

“Yeah yeah, you say that as if I’m doing it out of my own will when you’re the one forcing yourself in, so of course I’d have to give you an extra warm welcome!” Jun couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his features.    
“Ahahaha! I’ll be looking forward to it, my wonderful hyena soulmate!”    
“Couldn’t say the same about you, snake. If you can prove that you have no intention of harming me with those fangs, maybe I’ll let you a little closer to me~”   
“Of course, I have no intention of sinking my fangs into someone I must consider as a fellow duo unit member, so let us get along and show the world the weapons that we’ve developed, without having to hold back!”    
“It sounds like fun to not have Ohii-san bothering me all the time~”   
“I’m sure that His Excellency would greatly appreciate working together once more with His Highness, and it certainly is a breath of fresh air for me to spend more time with you!”

This kind of banter was honestly fun. Really fun. It reminded Jun that the person standing in front of him was not just his producer or the Vice President of Cosmic Production, or a fellow unit member. Ibara Saegusa was an entire human being of his own and he enjoyed interacting with him like this, because it truly felt like they were equals in these moments.   
“Ah, I apologise for getting carried away, even if it is a sign of our existing bond! I’m sure that you’ve just had a tiring day of work, so I will let you go back to your dorm to rest.” Ibara spoke after a comfortable silence.   
“What about you?”   
“I was going to take a trip to the cafeteria before resuming work!”    
“... Have you eaten dinner?”   
“I have not!”   
“It’s 9PM.”

“Unfortunately, I have been very busy, so I haven’t had enough time to eat!”   
“Oh no, it looks like my partner can’t take care of himself, does this mean that I’ll have to take care of you too just like how I tend to Ohii-san~?”   
“I’m sure that it won’t be necessary! However, that doesn’t mean that you are not permitted to accompany me in my short trip for nourishment!”   
“If that is an invitation for me to come along with you, then I’ll accept it~” Jun said with a chuckle, before realising that he was going to be spending more time with-   
“Very good! Let us depart at once, for I am frankly starving!” 

* * *

Surprisingly, everything wasn’t crashing down all at once... yet. 

Every single time Jun’s anxiety threatened to realise itself and take over Jun’s entire being, Ibara came up with something to talk about, somehow without sounding like he was forcing conversation. At the back of his mind, Jun suspected that Ibara was doing this in order to play along with the whole being-overly-friendly-to-Jun thing as they were about to become a new duo unit together, but that didn’t stop the fact that all the talking was doing a great job at helping Jun forget that he was nervous.

They talked for pretty much the whole trip down to the cafeteria, and it was only after they had put forward their orders that Jun realised what was silently eating at him the entire time.

Jun was going to be alone with Ibara more often. Ibara, and all of that distracting, smooth, alluring, amazing, soft, gentle, clear, balanced voice. And Jun was going to have to deal with it on an almost daily basis for however long these new duo units were going to last. 

Just as he was hit with the full brunt of it all, Ibara began talking again, and his mental state had reverted back to what it was before Ibara had broken the news to him. That voice rose straight to the forefront of his attention and refused to step down as Ibara began to talk again. It was something about the trip and the food that he had there? Or was it about buying souvenirs? Or about the jobs that he did? Everything went in one ear and came out the other and Jun was powerless to stop it.

Jun knew that he had to find whatever thing that caused him to act naturally around Ibara back at the office, before he began spiralling downwards. The last thing he wanted was to sound like he was ignoring Ibara all the time and that would be bad, for both their relationship as people and for their upcoming work as a new duo unit.

“I didn’t know that you were one to snack.” Ibara immediately mentioned as they both took a table in the mostly-empty eating area.    
“Hmm?” Jun’s brain short-circuited at exactly the wrong time.   
“You eat as if I pay you barely anything! You are in the best unit of ES, why not splurge a little more?” Ibara propped both of his elbows on the table, leaning his chin on his hands with a tilted head.    
“Ohii-san was extra hungry for some reason and ate half of my dinner.” Jun sighed.   
“Perhaps I will give His Highness a scolding! I can’t have you starving while you’re working so closely with me, after all! Let me know if this happens again and I will gladly treat you to a meal!”   
“You don’t have to, Ibara. I can afford it.”   
“Oh no, it would reflect badly on me if I didn’t take care of you, so allow me the honour to do so!” 

Jun decided that it wasn’t worth arguing with Ibara about this and took a bite into his small sandwich. Ibara dug into his rice and vegetables. The silence didn’t feel awkward at all; both of them were very happy to satisfy their stomachs and Jun was glad that Ibara was on the same wavelength regarding this, but now that Ibara wasn’t keeping his brain busy, Jun’s thoughts immediately went back to the current situation at hand. There it was again. Something had happened and Jun had talked to Ibara more naturally. Perhaps Jun felt more at ease whenever Ibara said something that gave Jun an opportunity to tease him, or make some kind of joke?

Either way, talking with Ibara like this provided a very nice change of pace from Hiyori’s constant demands and whining and treating Jun like some kind of slave. Here, Ibara and Jun were just two fellow members of Eden who could bond over having to take care of their seniors who depended on them a little too much. One particular topic that Ibara seemed very eager to divulge in was how much Nagisa and Hiyori were going to truly appreciate their hard work after all of this was over, because being separated into these different units meant that Jun and Ibara had less time to tend to the two leading idols of Eden. It felt somewhat strange for both of them to feel happy over such a thing, considering that neither of them particularly took praise well, but it was going to be a shared experience all the same.

Time sped by and soon, they parted ways, with Jun wondering whether Ibara was going to be okay without resting properly right after a trip. He supposed that Ibara was going to miraculously get through this like he had somehow gotten through the past few years, considering the amount of constant stress he always faced throughout his adolescence from his various businesses.

When Jun slipped under the covers to turn in that night, he was so happy that it was almost overwhelming. He decided that he could worry about it another day before quickly falling asleep.

* * *

To be honest, Jun completely forgot about all of that over the course of the next few weeks. Maybe this was his way of indirectly accepting the reality of things.

Their gym sessions weren’t spent together, though it made sense considering Ibara used a personal trainer, but the sudden increase in the amount of Ibara in Jun’s day to day life was definitely something that he needed to get used to. As usual, Ibara gave more than enough practice time for the upcoming live, because he was never comfortable with going ahead with such large events unless he had absolute confidence that things were going to go as planned. Jun didn’t blame his obsession with security, and to be honest, it made him feel a lot better too, knowing that they were going to go up on stage with all the preparation in the world.

Of course, Ibara had the song and the choreography ready to go when Jun arrived at his first practice session, with a sample clip of the dance opened up on his tablet alongside the song. Just like Jun expected, it was a very upbeat, energetic, and cool dance, almost like a faster and more intense version of what they had done during Conquest. The music was equally fitting in terms of energy, with no shortage of rap sections as well as complex melodies and harmonies. It was impossible to perform this kind of repertoire without Jun giving it his all and more, and the same could definitely be said for Ibara. It was as if Ibara had specifically chosen this kind of thing to showcase to the world how powerful the younger ones of Eden could be, without being held back by their older partners in their usual subunits.

It was going to be difficult to say the least, and this time, he was going to have a very, very different person beside him.    
“So, Jun, what do you think?” Ibara put his hands on his hips, giving Jun a reassuring smile as if he was able to sense Jun’s slight unease.   
“Hmm... “    
“If you have any concerns regarding the difficulty, I’m happy to discuss changes with you!”   
“No, I think that I can do this, but…”   
“But?”

“Why did you decide for me to be the centre? It looks a lot like I’ve got most of the spotlight and you’re just there supporting me.”   
“Why not? Your performance as the centre in the Saga live was superb! I thought it would be best to put that brilliance of yours to good use once more!”    
“You said that we needed to be like soulmates, right? Then why aren’t we equals?”

To be honest, Jun didn’t really think about what he just said, but the instant it left his mouth, he regretted it. Being cheesy like this was definitely unlike him. He was sure that Ibara had picked up on it. Goddamn. All he wanted was to proceed through this period like a normal person and only have to deal with some manageable obstacles, instead of making life significantly harder for himself by putting down massive brick walls to punch through all because his brain-to-mouth filter disappeared for a moment.    
“Hmm… you do have a point.” Ibara thought for a moment before he grinned. “Why did you suggest it? Are you shy?”   
“No, it’s just that.... I found it strange that you suggested something about us being like soulmates on stage, but now you’re proposing something like this.”   
“Are you concerned about the power imbalance that we’ll have to show? We can still be soulmates with a power imbalance, if that’s what you’re worried about! The stage is all yours to rule and I would be very glad to serve you!” 

“No, let’s do this together, as equals.”

Jun couldn’t believe that he and Ibara of all people were talking about soulmates. Jun didn’t really know what love was. Ibara didn’t really know what love was either. Even if they were only talking about a stage performance and not their actual feelings, the situation still felt very, very weird.

“Ibara, you must have fans that want to see what you’ll be like under the spotlight, right? You’ve been supporting Nagi-senpai this whole time, don’t you think they’d be curious to see how you’d do when you don’t have to hold back?” Jun continued, confused as to why he was saying these things. Was he curious about Ibara’s other sides on stage? Or did he just want their duo unit to operate as closely to Eve as possible, if only because it was more familiar to him? 

“... Excellent thinking, Jun! I’m glad to be working alongside someone competent!” Ibara lit up after some thought. “In that case, we can use today’s practice session to discuss the direction we want our live to be going in!” 

Jun didn’t really know why Ibara was so quick to agree with him. He decided that overthinking it wouldn’t do any good.

* * *

Of course, Jun had practiced with Ibara before, but those past experiences in the soundproof practice room with Eden came nowhere close to these sessions.

As Eve, Hiyori often worked very closely and intimately with Jun, to the point where their relationship could almost be mistaken, but this dynamic with Ibara was extremely different. Instead of being like the soulmates that they had been blabbing on and on about, it was almost as if they were at each other’s throats, threatening to tear each other to pieces should they fall behind by just a little bit. In those sections where they danced together as one, it reminded Jun of the one-body-one-soul idea that he had been doing with Eve, except instead of embracing each other like lovers, they were here to destroy everything in their path, using their bond as a way to draw power out of each other to use. There was no love in this. They were like two mortal enemies who had called a truce to fight a greater evil, competing with each other to see who could conquer the most.

For the first time, Jun got to see and hear another side of Ibara that he would have never realised in any other circumstances. Ibara was absolutely ferocious with the way he danced, his usually graceful and smooth movements completely gone, only to be replaced with perfectly controlled intensity. It was as if Ibara was truly some kind of wild beast and he had held back so much for the sake of Adam and Eden, and it was only now that he could really show these colours. Jun didn’t know whether these were Ibara’s true colours or not. Maybe it was just another aspect of him. Ibara’s ability to adapt was amazing and Jun wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t really Ibara’s true self, but at the same time, the aura that came from Ibara felt so real that Jun was almost intimidated.

Jun was definitely thrown off guard when he heard Ibara sing their new song. His voice was so  _ rough _ and powerful, like the Ibara of Adam and Eden had been a completely different person altogether. Every single word was articulated so clearly and cleanly, as if his words were a hot knife slicing through butter, but at the same time there was so much energy accompanied by so much precision that it was unreal. Jun never fully realised how good of an idol Ibara was until this moment.

After it was all finished, Ibara grinned proud and wide, reverting back to the Ibara Saegusa of Eden that Jun knew so well.   
“A wonderful and productive practice session, Jun! Did you have any concerns before we part ways?”   
“No, I’m good. What about you?”   
“I’m satisfied with the progress that we have gained today. Good work as always! I shall meet you tomorrow for dinner!”   
“Yeah, I’ll see you then- wait a minute, what time are we meeting up?”   
“6PM!”   
“... Don’t you usually eat really late? I never see you in the cafeteria nor the dorm kitchens.”   
“You’re correct! However, I’ve amended my schedule so that I can meet and eat dinner at a time that is most comfortable for you!” 

Jun grinned. “You’d better not be writing emails or something while I’m there~”   
“Of course not! The whole point of us eating together is for the sake of bonding! It would be an absolute waste of time for us to be occupied by something else during that time!”   
“Then I’ll just have to ignore Ohii-san while we eat then.”   
“A great idea! I hope that His Excellency will be able to accompany His Highness during your absence!”

Jun didn’t realise the slight spring in his step as he headed back to his dorm until Kohaku pointed out how unusually energetic he was acting. 

* * *

For the first time ever, Ibara ate dinner at a normal time. The tradeoff, however, was that said dinner was going to be spent with Jun, and they were going to be eating a homemade meal together in Ibara’s office.

The thought of Ibara making food just for Jun was strange, like there had been a very big jump in closeness and suddenly they were boyfriends or even a married couple who had been together for years. That wasn’t anything close to the case, and Jun had to use a ridiculous amount of brain power to drill into his head that no, they were not in a relationship and yes, Ibara was just doing it for Jun as a producer, like how Ibara made food for Nagisa every day.    
“I hope my cooking is to your tastes! While I have learned a couple of tips and tricks from Shiina-shi, I am far from being a great cook.”   
“No, it’s pretty good, and it’s healthy too. Thanks for the food.”   
“It is simply part of my role as a producer to ensure that your physical health is as good as it can be!”

Ibara dug into his own meal. They were sitting opposite each other at Ibara’s big wooden desk, with Ibara’s computer on one side as well as a couple of stacks of documents that had been moved aside to make some space.    
“Why didn’t you decide to order food from the cafeteria and have us eat there?” Honestly, Jun was grateful that Ibara cooked for him because it tasted better than what he usually made for himself, but he was curious.   
“This is all part of our bonding! Bonding between the members of a two-person unit is significantly more important than with larger units, and I’d like for this little project to be as successful as possible!.”   
“I know, but we could always just sit together at a table by ourselves. Plus, you wouldn’t have had to go through the trouble of making me food. Wouldn’t that be enough?”

“Ah, this is for business purposes! Since we are alone in the room together, we can freely discuss our plans going forward without the fear of being overheard, if we so happened to have a need to converse! Also, I happened to have needed to make food for His Excellency, so it was simply convenient for me to make something for you in the meantime.” Ibara spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and he ate another mouthful of food. However, Jun wasn’t entirely convinced with Ibara’s answer — but he let it slide.   
“So you’re really invested in this project too, right?”    
“I hope you understand that we cannot afford to lag behind His Excellency and His Highness for a single moment, so we must use every edge that we can possibly get!”   
“That’s true. We might not be as talented as them, but I don’t really want to lose either~”

Jun was perfectly content with spending the rest of his meal in silence just to indulge in the flavours of what he got. While he was in charge of his own diet, splurging a little was almost never an option since he didn’t want to get out of shape, but Ibara’s food was giving him an abnormal amount of joy. Maybe there was indeed a way to eat healthily while also enjoying every single bite of it, and Jun just didn’t know how to do so. He made a mental note to ask Ibara about his secrets later. 

It also seemed that Ibara was perfectly content to eat quietly. Every now and again, Jun couldn’t help but glance upwards to see what his unit partner was doing. Until now, Jun had never been able to make note of how Ibara ate, either because Ibara was talking about something, or Hiyori was annoying him, or he was too busy eating himself. Jun wasn’t quite sure whether Ibara was doing this intentionally or not, but Ibara was matching Jun’s pace perfectly without it looking unnatural. Even though Ibara chewed to a different rhythm and had different mouthful sizes to Jun, there was some kind of invisible connection to Jun with the way he was eating and it was almost unsettling, especially if it was a coincidence.

Just as Jun expected, they finished at the same time, and then Ibara suggested a light stroll to walk off the food. Jun didn’t decline. 

Jun’s mind immediately wandered as soon as they set foot in the hanging garden, thinking about how all of this was only temporary and eventually, their unit would disband and they’d have to go back to being fellow Eden members again and then he wouldn’t be able to see Ibara this often anymore and hear his-

“Hmm? Did you say anything, Ibara?”   
“No, I didn’t.” 

Now Jun was imagining Ibara’s voice. This was the worst.    
“Practice has been more difficult than you’re likely used to, Jun.”   
“Yeah, it’s been hard, but I can manage. Don’t want to let down my  _ soulmate _ after all.” Jun lightly elbowed Ibara, who returned the action.   
“This idea of soulmates that His Excellency and His Highness introduced to me has been strangely amusing to talk about with you.”   
“Agreed, considering we’re…”

Nagisa and Hiyori were definitely quite intimate with each other, though fortunately not to uncomfortable levels. Hugging wasn’t beyond them, and neither was holding hands. Hell, at this point, Jun wouldn’t be surprised if they were comfortable with cuddling. While Nagisa may not have known what love was, Hiyori seemed to have the best grasp on the concept out of anyone in Eden, and it seemed that Nagisa had a lot to learn from his time with Hiyori. It had gotten to the point that they could probably communicate telepathically.

Jun and Ibara, on the other hand, had only met through Eden, without the years and years of history Nagisa and Hiyori had together, and now here they were, tossing around the word  _ soulmate _ as a joke without any thought on what it really, really meant. 

“Friends? Ahahaha~, to think that the timid hyena that I met one year ago would become comfortable with a viper!”   
“I’d have to thank you for not paralysing and devouring me whole after falling into your traps~”   
“Of course, why would I want to do that to someone who can be useful to me?”   
“Considering you’re letting me get so close as to call me a soulmate, are you sure that I’m not just a disposable tool? If you wanted to hide your feelings for me, you’re doing an awful job~”    
“The same could be said for you, considering you’re so willing to go along with this whole act!” 

_ Act _ . That’s right. This was just an act. This soulmate thing was just an act. There were no feelings involved. Jun didn’t love Ibara. Ibara didn’t love Jun. They were just coworkers sharing some banter because it was important to establish a good relationship with coworkers. 

In the end, they were just dumb teenagers thrown in the deep end while still trying to figure out their own identities and their places in the world.

* * *

Jun and Ibara could hear the roar of the crowd from backstage as Nagisa and Hiyori finished their performance.

The adrenaline had kicked in a while ago, as Jun stood next to Ibara with clammy hands and a pounding heart. His headset was in place, the audio check had already been done hours ago, the finishing touches to his makeup had been completed, and his outfit was all perfect and ready to go. A weightless dark blue shirt, pants, shiny shoes and to top it all off, a cape with the colour of a dark yet fiery hell. A wolf badge had been pinned to the breast pocket of the shirt, and Ibara had a matching snake badge. It was an outfit designed for practicality, so that Jun and Ibara could perform with as little restraints as possible.

Ibara had that pre-performance expression again. It was an uncharacteristically serious expression, considering the amount of smiling and grinning Ibara did whenever his plans were about to unfold. Ibara may not have cared about being the best idol he could be, but seeing the sheer focus on his face right now seemed to tell Jun otherwise. Even in those rare occasions when Jun had the opportunity to see Ibara work in his office, it came nowhere close to this, though Jun thought that it was understandable considering the amount of imminent pressure that they were facing. 

“Feeling nervous, Jun?” Ibara had probably caught Jun staring. It didn’t help that that  _ voice _ cut through Jun’s thoughts. Yet another different tone. Ibara usually spoke with more projection and power, brimming with confidence, as if he knew that everyone he talked to was potential prey if he so wished it. This time, it was softer, more quiet, without the usual upbeat personality that he presented to the world under normal circumstances. More grounded. Jun felt like he wasn’t talking to the high and mighty producer and idol of Eden, vice president of Cosmic Production Ibara Saegusa. This felt more like the real Ibara Saegusa, under layers and layers of ice that were built up as a protective measure from the cruel, harsh world that Ibara was exposed to from the get-go of life. Ibara had worked so hard to eliminate all of his weaknesses and become the fearsome predator that he was today, but despite all of his efforts, those weaknesses remained, displaying themselves in these sorts of moments, away from the battlefield known as society. Even if this wasn’t the complete truth, it was just a glimpse at the kind of person Ibara was, and it was more than enough for Jun to begin to feel things that he couldn’t really describe. 

Jun realised that he had never heard that tone before, nor had he seen that level of tension and focus in Ibara’s face. It was a side that Ibara was showcasing for Jun and Jun alone.

“Yeah,” Jun replied. From the way those steel-blue eyes looked at Jun with that slightest bit of tenderness, Jun knew that he wasn’t looking at a viper this time.    
“Don’t be. We’ve prepared plenty for this. There’s no way that this live won’t be perfect.” Ibara grinned. It was different from all of Ibara’s other grins. Almost all of them felt like they could have been fake, like Ibara was bluffing or he was blowing his own confidence out of proportion, but this one felt so incredibly genuine that Jun couldn’t help but be swept up by it. 

And it felt wrong not to return that reassurance with some kind of joke to reward Ibara’s efforts.

“Feels good to have the opportunity to show some dominance, don’t you think~?” Jun grinned back, riding along his surge of confidence.   
“Ahahaha, of course! His Excellency and His Highness will be struck speechless by our performance!” Ibara laughed triumphantly.   
“Now they can see what kind of beasts we become when we’re no longer reigned in by them.” 

Nagisa and Hiyori entered the backstage area, facing their younger Eden counterparts. The older ones had adorned suits quite similar to what they had worn as part of ex- _ fine _ , except there were splashes of a black, inky night sky staining the gentle, blue fabric — a sign of their corruption upon joining the garden of pleasure. 

“The stage is ready for you two now! What fine weather!” Hiyori looked just as perfect as he did before the performance, as if he had executed that stunning show with no effort at all. Nagisa smiled, his low, loose ponytail cascading over his shoulder, a hint of a killing edge in his gaze that remained from being on stage. 

“... Give it your all, Lucifer.”   
“I hope you didn’t hold back, Celestia, because we’re about to blow you out of the heavens.” 

Jun couldn’t contain his smirk. He imagined that Ibara would be displaying a similar facial expression.

“Well, better not stall you two little demons any longer, the crowd is waiting!” Hiyori lit up as he and Nagisa stepped aside. When had Hiyori stepped aside for Jun? This change in their dynamic felt good, so good. Jun was finally allowed to have some footing over his annoying bratty senior. That was all Jun needed to be mentally prepared for this performance. Screw Hiyori and Jun’s supporting role in Eden. He was the  _ alpha  _ now.

* * *

The stage was lit dark red and blue as Jun and Ibara’s figures were revealed, dressed in matching colours. The crowd screaming in response to their arrival was music to Jun’s ears.

“Are you ready for hell?!” Jun half-shouted as he pointed towards a camera, his head-worn microphone projecting his voice over the small little humans waving their little penlights.   
“Come and join us in a world of sin!” Ibara followed, striking a pose, his voice full of roughness and unrestrained power.

“We’ll plunge the world into darkness! We are Lucifer!!”

* * *

The live was hard. Singing it was hard. Dancing it was hard. But Jun was having so much  _ fun _ that it all flew by in the blink of an eye. Was it all perfect? It must have been. 

At the end of it all they stood beside each other, palms reached out towards their audience as everyone in the crowd went absolutely wild. Jun panted in exertion, his body having been pushed close to its limit, and he couldn’t help his curiosity as he snuck a glance towards his partner.

Their eyes met.

The glance wasn’t really a glance anymore as they kept their gazes on each other. Ibara was panting too, a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead from the heat of dancing and the excessive amount of stage lighting. Behind those glasses, Ibara’s steel-blue eyes were blazing, alongside a stage smile that Jun knew all too well… except that smile was so bright and radiant that Jun was almost blown away by it. It screamed at him loud and clear: the live was a success.  _ Their _ live was a success. 

The penlights, the roar of the crowd, the red and blue of the stage all became something in the far distance. The only thing that was clear was Ibara Saegusa and that smile of his, and he looked so, so, so incredibly  _ happy _ that Jun couldn’t help but feel the same.

They left the stage with no more than a quick wave. They’d get a short break, enough time to catch their breath and change before they had to go back up again to perform as Eden, but Jun knew that that moment on stage, that moment that he shared with Ibara, would be something that he’d never forget.

* * *

Just like that, Lucifer and Celestia became a thing of the past.

Ibara’s plans really worked out spectacularly; Jun had improved a great deal as an individual. If the amount of praise he received from everyone else in Eden wasn’t enough to indicate it, there was also the fact that subsequent group practice sessions felt noticeably easier now. Jun wondered whether Ibara set up Lucifer in a way that would force Jun to push past his limits and open up new horizons, and if it was intentional, Jun wondered whether there was a reason deeper than purely business. Being in Lucifer meant spending a lot of time with Ibara and considering Ibara wasn’t the kind of person who’d want to genuinely be close to someone… something felt amiss. After spending some time wracking his brain about it, Jun decided that it was best not to overthink it. Money and power meant a lot to Ibara, after all. 

Everything had gone back to normal, like how things were before Lucifer and Celestia existed… except for Jun’s feelings.

Suddenly his weeks weren’t filled with the constant presence of Ibara anymore. He spent dinner either alone or with Hiyori in the dining area next to the dorm kitchens. He spent nightly strolls either by himself or with Hiyori. He spent less time on phone calls and in meetings with Ibara. He spent less time at work alone with Ibara. He spent practice either alone, with Hiyori or with Eden; never just with Ibara. He spent lunches with either Eden or Hiyori; never just with Ibara. Time spent away from Hiyori made Jun appreciate the lack of harassment he got from his annoying senior, but more than that, something always felt missing. Then whenever he saw Ibara around in the CosPro offices, or whenever Eden met up, that void was only partially filled. 

Jun made the staggering realisation that he really enjoyed Ibara’s presence. He really, really, absolutely, genuinely enjoyed the time that he had spent with Ibara alone, whether it was practicing, taking a walk, eating Ibara’s cooking in his office, or even just talking to him whenever they were alone together. That voice injected unusually high amounts of serotonin into Jun’s system, but somehow, knowing that no one else was hearing it but Jun took things to a whole different level and just thinking about it felt weird. Why did it feel different to whenever Ibara spoke to the rest of Eden? That should have been enough, right? 

Jun thought about the past few weeks when they had prepared for the special live as Lucifer, thinking about Ibara’s laugh, his singing voice as they rehearsed in the soundproof practice room, the way he spoke about casual matters when they were alone in his office, the way he spoke at the audience during that live. Jun also realised that he had first heard of those tones when he began to spend time alone with Ibara, and now that it was all over, he was never going to hear any of it again and he was…

Jun missed it. Jun missed it all. He missed those times when he could give all of his attention to Ibara, and when Ibara could give all his attention to Jun. That thought was worrying, because every single time he tried to think about why it was the case, everything came down to only one possible explanation.

Love.

So many different things kicked in at once. Ibara was so allergic to feelings that it was crazy, so the chances of Ibara returning his feelings was extremely low, if not zero. Having a relationship with his own producer was not professional. Jun having feelings for another man was an extremely unexpected turn to his interpretation on his own sexuality. Jun having feelings for an ill-natured, selfish and manipulative snake was also an extremely unexpected turn to his interpretation on the kinds of people he thought he’d fall in love with. Jun being so quick to accept that he had feelings for Ibara was potentially proof that something was very wrong and he ought to see a professional to get himself checked out. Jun wondered how Nagisa and Hiyori would react to this sudden revelation. 

The sane side of Jun screamed at him that he was going way too far with this and that all of these feelings were just a part of raging teenage hormones, but perhaps it was the more geniuneside of Jun that was urging him to accept these feelings.

* * *

It was happening all over again, but this time Jun’s energy was sapped by a recent Eden live show. 

The last time Jun saw and heard Ibara had only been half an hour ago, and yet the urge to hear Ibara’s voice grew so overwhelming again that he dialed Ibara’s number with almost no hesitation. He held the phone up to his ear. One beep, two beep, three beeps… maybe Ibara was resting. Four beeps, five beeps, six beeps, seven beeps… eventually it cut to the answering machine asking for Jun to leave a voicemail, and for a split moment Jun really thought that Ibara had picked up the phone because it was his voice. Jun dialed again without thinking. Again, there was no answer. It made sense that Ibara was probably resting considering they just had a live.

However, something in Jun’s gut told him that not everything was okay.

Jun suddenly remembered that Ibara had said something about going to his office to handle some last minute business, giving a quick salute before he dashed off, but the way that he had said it… Jun wasn’t sure whether he was the only one who picked up the slightest hint of exhaustion. On stage, Ibara’s performance was stunning as usual, but after the live… Ibara was probably just tired. Jun had been doing an awful amount of overthinking lately. And yet, nothing could shake the unease that he felt in his core.

A short walk, a journey up the elevator, and another short walk took Jun to the CosPro offices, an area that he had become very familiar with during his time as part of Lucifer. Ibara’s office door was… unlocked? Jun gave it a knock, just in case. There was no response. The light from within was on so there was definitely someone inside.    
“Ibara? Are you there?” Jun rapped his knuckles on the door a few more times. Again, no response. Nervousness began to overcome him as he decided what to do next. 

“I’m coming in.” Jun opened the door, his heart racing and his hands clammy. The producer was nowhere to be found… until Jun looked downwards.

Ibara lay on his side on the floor, his face flushed, his tablet a short distance away.

* * *

Ibara had most likely fainted or something. It wasn’t like he was dead or that anything super bad had happened to him.

And yet, the entire world loomed around Jun, threatening to collapse on him and choke him out until there was nothing left.

* * *

For the first time, Jun had seen Ibara asleep, but he was asleep for all the wrong reasons. 

During those twelve hours that Junspent in between his two visits to the ES medical office, he was more worried than he had ever been in his entire life. Even though the nurse had announced that Ibara would be fine after some bedrest, Jun tossed and turned that night, and the exhaustion from the live that day had disappeared entirely from his mind. Was it Ibara’s expression that was making his concern shoot off the charts? Or was it Ibara being a lot lighter than Jun initially thought? That face, which was nothing close to a peaceful expression, was burned into Jun’s mind as he attempted to sleep. 

Fortunately, Anzu had been staying up the previous night, allowing Jun to deliver the news after he had dropped off an unconscious Ibara at the medical office. Jun honestly couldn’t believe that he ended up asking the producer if his schedule could be freed up to allow him to take care of Ibara, and it was only afterwards that he realised that he was probably not in the best of mental states when he made such a request. Not only did Anzu agree, but apparently having someone around to essentially babysit Ibara sounded like a good idea to her. Maybe Anzu also understood how much of a workaholic Ibara was, and she somehow knew that there was no way Ibara was going to rest for the recommended time unless there was someone else forcing him to do so. 

Ibara was still asleep when Jun rushed to the medical office the next morning after a trip to a nearby pharmacy. All of the exhaustion from sleep deprivation was completely gone and replaced with concern and anxiousness and nervousness and a potent mix of a couple of other emotions that could only be fixed by Ibara getting better. 

Jun entered the curtain that surrounded Ibara’s bed. The room was quickly filled with the sound of Ibara’s breathing and Jun’s own pounding heart. Before Jun knew it, he was already reaching out towards Ibara, acting on an overwhelming urge to touch his face, or stroke his hair, or do something-

Wait, why was he-

“... Jun?”

Jun’s hand froze in midair for a moment too long, halfway on its path towards Ibara’s cheek, before he retracted his arm as quickly as possible. That weak, strained voice tore at Jun’s heartstrings.    
“Are you okay?” Jun skipped the greeting and went straight to the one question that he had been wanting to ask ever since he saw Ibara on the floor of his office the previous night.   
“I-” Ibara winced, shutting his eyes before cautiously opening them again. “I will be fine. There is no need for you to worry.” Ibara looked at Jun with all the exhaustion in the world.    
“You’re telling me not to worry when I find you on the floor in your office?”    
“Why did you come to my office?”   
“Don’t know. Something didn’t feel right.” Ibara gave Jun a confused look, as if gut feelings just didn’t exist for him and he operated on logic only.

“Don’t you have work right now?” Ibara started talking again.   
“No.”   
“I’m sure that your schedule-”   
“Anzu rearranged all of itl for me, to give me time to look after you.”   
“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”   
“Doesn’t seem like it, considering what happened yesterday.”   
“That’s-” Ibara groaned in pain as he squeezed his eyes shut. Jun’s heart was approaching its limit.   
“I’ll pick you up to take you back to your dorm after you’ve gotten some more rest. You look like you’re about to fall asleep again.”

“I do not require an escort.”   
“I’ll come anyway.”

Ibara made an effort to glare at Jun, but considering Ibara’s current physical and mental state, Jun felt far from threatened.    
“Do you need me to sing you to sleep?” Jun suggested with a sigh as he recalled Ibara extending the same offer to Anzu some time earlier, meaning to make a joke in an effort to lighten up the atmosphere. He stood up to leave because he knew that there was no way in hell that Ibara would-   
“Try it.”   
“... Are you serious?”   
“Maybe your voice will help soothe this headache of mine, even if only a little. I can hardly sleep as it is now.”

Jun had to take a moment to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating or something before he resumed his seat. “I thought more noise would serve to make your headache worse.”   
“If it worsens, I’ll tell you.”   
“... What do you even want me to sing?”   
“Anything will do.”

Jun settled on a lullaby that he had been taught by his father when he was younger, and he dug through the back of his mind to remember the melody. He had all the intention in the world to sing it with the best of his idol abilities because Jun could see the pain in Ibara’s expression, no matter how hard the producer was trying to hide it. Something about looking at Ibara while he sang made him feel a little too unnerved, so he decided to look ahead instead, directing his voice to some general direction in front of him as he attempted to sing as gently as possible. It was a simple melody, and fortunately easy to execute, because making mistakes in a time like this was going to be fatal. Halfway through the song, Jun became far more worried about whether this was helping or hurting Ibara, but considering he was getting no feedback, he assumed that the effect was at least neutral.

When Jun finished the song, he expected Ibara to be looking at him with some kind of disappointment, and then he’d receive some scathing remark at how much Jun needed to improve, or he’d simply be dismissed because the song didn’t do anything at all. Instead, he was met with a sleeping expression, soft breathing noises and his own pounding heart.

* * *

Ibara’s face felt soft underneath Jun’s palm.

So was his hair, as Jun gently combed his fingers through the strands.

It was all so overwhelming that Jun forgot to breathe.

* * *

_ The next day… _

Jun invited himself into Ibara’s dorm as quietly as he could, using the spare dorm key that Ibara had leant him. Something about walking into Ibara’s living space made the whole thing feel strangely domestic and intimate, even though Ibara barely visited in his dorm in the first place and Jun had no deeper relationship with him outside of them being friends.

It didn’t surprise Jun that Ibara’s area of the room was very, very plain, with nothing more than a bedside table. The purpose of the table was probably only for Ibara’s tablet, phone and glasses while he rested during the night, and today, it was no different (and thankfully, Ibara wasn’t on said tablet. Jun would have really flown into a rage if he saw Ibara working when he was supposed to be getting some much needed rest). Jun set down two plastic containers of food and a bottle of water on the shared table, dully realising that he was acting no differently to a parent taking care of their sick child, except Jun was an idol managed by Ibara and Ibara was the Vice President of Cosmic Production and a producer and idol of Eden and also a very successful businessman.

Ibara was fast asleep, his face still as flushed as it was yesterday. Jun located a clean face towel and dampened it with cold water before laying it across Ibara’s forehead. Sparks travelled up the places where Jun made direct contact with Ibara. He didn’t even bother to question the reaction.

“... Jun.”    
“Hey. How’s your headache?”   
“A bit better than before. What time is it?”   
“It’s 11AM. I’ll get you some water.”   
“I can do it myself.” Ibara’s voice lacked all of its usual energy. That was a given considering Ibara was sick, but it still caught Jun by surprise. Ibara dressed in a plain white shirt and pants was also unexpected, but all of those thoughts disappeared when Ibara got out of bed and attempted to make his way to the table, staggering in the process.    
“Let me get it for you,” Jun said as he caught Ibara before his face could meet the floor. Jun already knew how light Ibara was, but that didn’t stop his concern from rising just that little bit more every single time he was reminded of this fact.

“Thank you,” Ibara managed as Jun helped him into the bed again, before fetching the bottle of water for him. Seeing and hearing Ibara while he was weak and vulnerable, without that overpowering confidence and energy that he had on seemingly all the time, was causing Jun to feel things that he couldn’t really describe. The towel returned to Ibara’s forehead after he laid back down.   
“I’ve put lunch and dinner on the table. If there’s nothing else that you need, I’ll be on my way-”

“Wait.”

As Jun stood up from the side of the bed to leave, Ibara grabbed his wrist, looking straight into his soul with those steel-blue eyes. There was no killing edge this time. Only all the tenderness in the world as Ibara looked at Jun, a blush adorning his features, a grip so tight on Jun’s wrist that it was as if he would die if he let go.

“... Let me listen to your voice again. I want to hear your true self.”

Jun froze, suddenly extremely self-conscious about the way that he was positioned. When he had sung for Ibara in the ES medical office, that had already been nerve-wracking as hell, but Ibara saying those words with that kind of expression only made things a billion times worse.    
“What do you want me to do?” Jun blurted out, not really thinking properly since this situation was taking an extremely unexpected turn.

“Just stay with me.”

Jun sat back down. Ibara’s hand rested on top of his. Suddenly Jun’s heart was right at his throat, threatening to leap out of his mouth if he didn’t use all of his power to hold it down. Ibara looked at him with that weak gaze, displaying a weird sort of affection that was so unlike him that Jun thought he was dreaming for a moment, but reality came crashing down on him when Ibara gave his hand the gentlest of squeezes. It communicated some kind of emotionally powerful message that Jun was unable to decipher, and from the way Ibara looked at him with the slightest hint of desperation, Jun felt extremely troubled at not being able to figure out what Ibara was trying to tell him with this gesture.

Jun sang again, thinking of a song that he had been taught by Hiyori this time, when Hiyori tested his ability to learn new repertoire. Now that Jun thought about it, he never found out the significance of this song, nor why Hiyori taught it to him. Maybe it was the first thing Hiyori thought of and he decided to teach him on a whim, or maybe it was a carefully selected piece that was seemingly easy, yet had a touch of difficulty that made Jun have to work hard for it. Either way, that didn’t really matter now. What mattered most was singing it to the best of his ability, or singing it directly from himself, whatever that meant, because Ibara asked for it. 

Singing as his true self? Honestly, Jun had no idea what that meant. His stage persona wasn’t quite different from himself; it wasn’t like he had to act a part like Nagisa had to. Well… Jun supposed that there was still some difference to the personality that he put out for the world to see, and how he acted towards the staff and the rest of Eden. Was Ibara asking him to act the same way that he usually did whenever the cameras weren’t on them? Ibara got to see plenty of those moments, though. Small talk whenever they bumped into each other on the elevator, casual conversation whenever they had lunch together, and even in all of those work meetings as Eden, especially because Ibara was Jun’s producer. 

Ah, that’s right. Ibara said that he wanted to  _ hear _ Jun’s true self. Maybe Ibara was talking specifically about Jun’s singing. Unlike Hiyori (who was obnoxiously loud in the shower), Jun almost never sang casually. He’d sing for work, a recording here and there, practice and perform a live, and that was it. 

But Ibara feeling something special towards Jun’s voice, so special that it made him want to grasp at Jun’s wrist and prevent him from leaving? A strange mixture of emotions came and went so quickly that he had no time to process it. 

That was all he had time to think about before the song ended. Ibara’s hold on his hand had relaxed, his breathing now steady. Those fingers felt impossibly smooth, despite the amount of paper handling and typing that he did on a daily basis. The fingernails were neatly cut… Jun noticed that Ibara’s hand was slightly smaller than his, but most of all, it was freezing. Considering Ibara had a fever, that made sense, but something inside Jun told him that there was a hidden warmth underneath it all, beneath layers and layers of impossibly thick ice that Ibara had built up over time.

Jun felt the slightest bit of guilt as he slipped his hand out from underneath Ibara’s. The texture of that hand didn’t leave his mind as he tossed and turned that night, thinking about the events that had unfolded and what they all really meant. 

* * *

Nothing else out of the ordinary happened for the rest of Ibara’s recovery, though Jun supposed that Ibara getting sick was something out of the ordinary in itself.

Afterwards, everything returned to normal. Ibara went back to work, Jun went back to work, Nagisa no longer had to talk to Jun about his lack of basic living skills, and it was as if the past few days never happened (except for the mountain of work Ibara had to attend to). Nothing changed about Jun’s relationship with Ibara, despite everything that had unfolded.

Perhaps Ibara wanted to pretend that those interactions with Jun had never happened. Jun, on the other hand, wasn’t so quick to leave all of it behind.

* * *

“I’m thinking of bringing back Lucifer and Celestia again! From a financial standpoint, the new units were a huge success, and so I think it would be a waste not to hold another event for them!” 

Ibara beamed from his side of the desk, a view of a sleeping city from behind him through a window. Jun sat opposite from him, the full weight of Ibara’s words not quite sinking in yet, because his mind was currently occupied by many, many other things.   
“Of course, this will mean that you’ll get some extra work for the next few weeks and we’ll also be holding another live show. Most of the details should be available to you at the moment, and I have sent it all to your email. I have also scheduled a meeting regarding this as an additional measure, so you can ask questions or let me know of any concerns that you may have about all the finer details.”   
“Why did you call me in?”   
“It was to simply notify you! I wanted to give you as much notice as possible, but it is not a good idea for me to give you a lot of information after a long day of work.”   
“You could have just left it at the email, even. I check it every day. It feels weird for you to do something unnecessary like this.”

Jun was pressing for answers, completely aware of the fact that he could potentially be making Ibara uncomfortable, because there were certain things that he wanted to confirm. Ibara was giving him an opportunity by calling this meeting and there was no way that Jun was going to let it slip out of his grasp.

Ibara was silent. Jun realised with despair that this could be the farthest he was going to get with this line of conversation.   
“... Sorry. I’ll leave now.” Jun stood up from his seat and walked towards the door.    
“Wait a moment.” Ibara’s voice, firm yet commanding, stopped Jun as he reached for the doorknob. Ibara rose and made his way over to Jun.   
“What is it?”    
“I want to know why you questioned my motives for bringing you here.” 

Really? Did Ibara not realise how out of ordinary he was acting?    
“You almost never do anything that’s unnecessary because you’re so busy all the time. You always have a clear reason for everything you do, but I can’t think of why you’d call me in for something so small.”   
“... You’re right.”   
“Huh?”   
“I really do not understand why I summoned you to my office. Now that you’ve pointed that out, it troubles me.”

“You… you didn’t think about what happened the past few days? Am I the only one who spent time and energy thinking about it?”   
“All that has been in my mind was work! I’m extremely thankful that you offered your assistance in ensuring that I made a full recovery!”   
“Yeah. I was really worried, you know~?”

Jun inched forward towards Ibara. If Ibara noticed, he pretended not to.   
“I appreciate your concern!”   
“Please don’t do that again, okay?” Jun lowered his voice, not intending on holding back his emotions any longer, because there really was no need to when he knew about Ibara’s feelings deep down. Surely, Ibara wouldn’t have said the things that he did if he never had those kinds of emotions in the first place, right? “I… I don’t want to see you like that again. I know that you don’t want to get sick anyway, but I want you to promise me that you won’t overwork yourself again. Please.” 

“Jun.”    
“Hmm?”   
“Why are you speaking to me in this way? This is very unlike you.”    
“Yeah, because it’s only fair for me to show you how I truly feel when you did the same for me.”

Confusion took over Ibara’s features. “What are you talking about?”    
“You don’t need to fake it, Ibara.”   
“Answer my question.” Ibara quickly armed his voice with his venomous fangs once again.   
“I don’t need to.”

Jun knew that there was a bridge that he needed to cross, but he also knew that as soon as he stepped foot on it, there was no going back. He took his first movement towards it. All that was left was to go through with it with all the conviction of the world, and nothing else.

But at that very moment, the treacherous journey ended before it even began, as Ibara burned the bridge with such an intense flame that not even ash remained.

“Jun.”

Jun didn’t need to hear anything more, resisting the urge to touch his stinging cheek.

_ Stepping in to hug him was a huge mistake, huh? _

_ Was… everything just a lie? _

Ibara glared at him. Jun finally met his gaze and he really felt like he was a mouse looking into the eyes of a viper that was perfectly posed to strike. Jun was right. Ibara did have feelings. But he only knew that it was the truth from the very fact that Ibara hadn’t devoured him right then and there. Maybe this would be the only time when Ibara’s feelings would flicker through, and maybe this would be the last time that Jun was going to see the Ibara Saegusa who would be willing to be vulnerable enough to reveal even just a sliver of his true feelings.

Maybe that bridge was a false hope all along. Maybe it was destined to be burned no matter what Jun did, even as fate brought them so close together.

“I’m sorry.”

* * *

That night, Ibara’s mind was filled with something other than work.

* * *

Unfortunately for Jun, he couldn’t just forget how to feel. Ibara was living evidence of that.

A couple of almost-sleepless nights later, the scene in that office kept replaying itself over and over again in Jun’s mind. There was something about the way that Ibara said his name. It wasn’t the bright, energetic, happy tone that Ibara used whenever he saw him for a meeting, a tone that Jun truly felt welcomed by because it had the slightest hint of the person that lay underneath that thick shell. It was dark, angry, threatened, like Jun had cornered him and Ibara was only baring his venom-covered fangs just to protect himself from harm. Jun initially thought that Ibara was the predator here, raising himself to his full height in preparation for a strike, but he came to realise that it really was like the opposite. That slap to the face was only in self-defence, even if Jun had only moved forward to embrace him with zero ill intent. 

That sting on Jun’s cheek etched itself into his mind, even as it dissipated as he walked out into the night at that time. Ibara’s palm and fingers connected perfectly, like he had practiced slapping people before and all of that time had boiled down to this one moment. As much as it hurt both emotionally and physically, it really was done in true Ibara fashion. The look in his eyes, however, was completely different. Underneath all of those raging emotions was just a scared animal who wanted to escape.

It just happened to be a cold night as he made his way back to his dorm like some pathetic fool who had lost a battle that was extremely losable from the start. Jun apparently appeared to be in such a sour mood that even Kohaku grew concerned as Jun returned to the dorm and beelined to the shower, but thankfully the younger roommate knew better than to bother Jun about it.

Every single Lucifer practice session was now unbearable for a completely different reason. On an objective level, Ibara acted exactly the same way. Now, Ibara’s smiles, laughs and whatever encouraging words he gave Jun were so, so, so incredibly fake that it took all of Jun’s willpower not to just point it out and demand that Ibara be more genuine. 

Did Jun incorrectly assume that Ibara had feelings for him and then ruin their perfectly fine relationship just because he was foolish and selfish enough to act on his own feelings? That moment in Ibara’s office came to the surface of his mind so often that Hiyori could tell how distressed Jun was about the whole situation. There was no way that he was going to open up about this to his senior, though. Too embarrassing. And there was also the issue that Ibara would probably know if Jun said anything, and then Ibara would probably get rid of him for disclosing something so sensitive. There were so many things that Ibara hid from the world, locked up in cages guarded so tightly that any attempt at trying to pry them open was going to result in hell.

And that’s exactly what Jun just did. 

They sang and they danced in a practice room that… Jun couldn’t help but think back to the times when he was on good terms with Ibara, when they were just two teenagers pretending to be soulmates, as if they were mocking their opponents that would appear in the upcoming live show. They were two people who somehow became equals even through the circumstances of their initial meeting as producer and idol, perhaps because they were the juniors of their idol unit. They were two people who suffered in the past for reasons beyond their control, and now they were together in this safe haven, as if fate had pulled them together for some kind of greater purpose outside of their existences. 

There were two problems. The first was that there was absolutely no way in  _ hell  _ Jun was going to be able to go back in time, back to those precious moments when he saw genuine emotion from Ibara, or just moments when he saw  _ Ibara _ . The second was that without that unique energy and connection between them from before, Lucifer was going to be a big flop. 

The meetings shortened and grew less in number. Small talk was now extremely difficult and incredibly forced. Discussion about work was tense, as his emotions bubbled underneath all of the business talk, threatening to spill out should he even think of what had happened (which was pretty often considering they often conversed about work in Ibara’s office). Ibara’s cooking skills never objectively diminished, but the food didn’t get Jun the same way anymore. Jun didn’t get invited to nightly strolls in the floating garden and around ES anymore. He missed those times, really. During those times, it was just the two of them, pacing quietly in the floating gardens or around the ES grounds, processing their thoughts and feelings for the day. Jun felt oddly comfortable knowing that Ibara was there, even if they barely talked during these walks. He wondered whether or not Ibara felt the same back then. 

Hiyori picked up on all of it (as annoyingly perceptive as he was), but no matter how much his senior pestered him about it, there was no way he was going to open up about all of it. It wasn’t about hiding his emotions and his own vulnerabilities; it was about protecting Ibara’s. Jun realised this with amusement when Hiyori finally gave up on it, thinking about how his own feelings were flaring up when he had recently been hurt by the very person that he treasured. Though, Jun thought bitterly, he deserved it. It was his mistake after all, thinking that he could enter a viper’s nest so carelessly like that. He deserved every single sleepless night, every single bit of lost happiness, and every single little jab of pain in his chest that occurred every time he thought of that moment.

Jun really tried hard to forget about it all. Of course, it always failed.

* * *

Jun was legitimately surprised that Ibara didn’t realise Lucifer’s inevitable failure until weeks down the road.

No meeting, no call, nothing. Just an email from Ibara that said that the next live would be changed to an Adam, Eve, and Eden live show, and that the practice schedules going forward would reflect so. There was no personality in this email as it had been written in the most professional way possible, but Jun couldn’t help but hear Ibara’s voice in his head, reading out the email in that business tone that Ibara used day in and day out.

It was the end of the very thing that had pushed Jun impossibly closer to Ibara, under the guise of increasing the individual power of the members of Eden. 

Ibara, who was the creator of their unit and the creator of their  _ paradise, _ was now impossibly farther away from him.

* * *

_ A few days later… _

Reading manga was one of the only things Jun could do that was able to take his mind off Ibara, and so he found himself gravitating towards whatever recreation or resting room that was nearest to him whenever he had the chance.

Most of the manga that he read was nowhere near realistic, and it often featured some kind of action and adventure. Jun was perfectly fine with having his mind transported to a completely different world; in fact he really needed this, just to take a break from his own emotions that he couldn’t control. Ironic, considering that some of his fans turned to his performances, his voice, his music, his dances,  _ Jun Sazanami the idol _ as a form of escape from whatever suffering they had going on in their lives. To the eyes of the public, he was one of the most powerful idols in ES as a member of Eden, standing amongst gods, but in reality, Jun had terribly human thoughts and feelings just like the people who were praising and supporting him.

His phone buzzed in his hand, and he found himself clicking on the answer call button before he could properly read the name of the caller.   
“Hello, Jun Sazanami speaking.”   
“... Jun?”

Jun froze, thinking of how he had never, ever been called by Nagisa Ran before.   
“Nagi-senpai? What is it?”   
“... Where are you?” 

What was that slight shake in Nagisa’s voice supposed to mean?   
“I’m in the resting room at ES.”   
“... Can you help me check if Ibara is okay?”

Jun’s heart rate began to creep upwards.

“What happened?”   
“... Ibara was calling me about work, but he suddenly stopped talking and I heard a thump.”

Jun’s heart rate skyrocketed like never before.   


“I’m on it.”   
“... Thank you.”

His journey to the Cosmic Production offices was a blur. Jun didn’t care if people were staring at him sprinting as fast as he could down the hallways, as his mind was filled with the image of a certain fellow idol unit member. The elevator was way too slow, but he knew that it would be faster than running up many sets of stairs, and the faster he could get to his demonic partner, the better. The receptionist couldn’t finish her greeting before he was already past her desk, making his way towards the room that he had spent so much time in, eating, talking, and laughing with the person that he cared about most.

Jun thanked whatever higher power was up there that allowed Ibara’s office door to be unlocked, as he burst through it, slamming the door on the wall in the process. Just as he entered the room in the fastest (but also the loudest) way possible, he was greeted with the sight that he expected, but dreaded all the same.

Ibara was seated at his desk, face down with his mobile phone in his hand. 

Jun didn’t remember making his way over, only that his first instinct was to push him upright against his chair and feel for a pulse, even though he knew from whatever health classes that he took that calling for help first was the correct option. Everything overwhelmed him at once; the deafening pounding of his heart, the faint whir of the air conditioning inside Ibara’s office, the sight of an unconscious Ibara, the thought of him being severely ill if not-

“Jun? What are you doing here?”

Jun got quite the shock as his brain suddenly went from thinking about the absolute worst possible scenario to a confused Ibara looking at him as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.   
“Jun?” Ibara repeated, when Jun didn’t immediately respond.   
“Nagi-senpai called and asked me to check whether you were okay.”    
“Ah! That’s right! I was on the phone with him and then I suddenly fell asleep! Thank you for your concern, I’ll be sure to let him know that I am fine-”

All at once, the floodgates burst open, and Jun emotions came pouring out in such an uncontrolled way that he couldn’t even find the words to express them.

Ibara’s whole body may have been stiff, but it was warm. Jun didn’t particularly care for how awkward his current position was. Right now, he was thankful, so incredibly thankful, that he was able to embrace a living, breathing, and well Ibara Saegusa. He recalled everything, from the moment he met Ibara, to his first live as Eden, everything almost crashing down on them during SS, seeing Ibara as a vice president, the establishment of Lucifer, finding Ibara collapsed on the floor, taking care of him, to that moment when everything really came crashing down and he thought that those happy times he had with Ibara were never going to happen again. 

And for those few moments, Jun had honestly thought that he was never going to be able to see Ibara again. 

Finally, when Jun came to his senses again, he fully realised that Ibara had never resisted. He didn’t push Jun away when he leaned in for the hug. He didn’t even try to struggle as Jun kept him in a tight embrace. Was this a sign of acceptance? Or was Ibara simply so terrified of the whole prospect of physical intimacy that he had frozen in place?

“I’m… I’m glad you’re okay.” Jun started slowly, not wanting to disturb the delicate atmosphere that hung in the air.   
“You don’t seem like you are.” Ibara replied, clearly intending to sound dry and uninterested in whatever was going on in Jun’s mind, but emotion seeped into his voice and Jun was ready to take it all.   
“I’m sorry for hugging you like that, I was just- I really thought that you-” Jun stopped himself before his mouth could run on for any longer, taking this moment to calm himself down. “I- I…”

“I’m terribly sorry for causing you so much worry! Rest assured that I was merely sleep-deprived, and that I’m not sick.” Ibara was trying so hard to use that bright business tone to hide whatever he was feeling that it was laughable.   
“Sorry? Goddamn, instead of saying sorry, why don’t you actually  _ take care _ of yourself?! Every time this happens you have to spend days resting while the rest of us are worried sick! I… I-  _ shit _ , I could barely sleep while I was taking care of you because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and even Ohii-san tried to comfort me but I couldn’t talk about it because I didn’t think you’d want me to talk about it to anyone else, and all I wanted was for you to be happy and for me to be happy with you if that was possible, but then I get that call from Nagisa and the first thing I think is that you could have gotten even more sick last time or even-”

Ibara was staring. Not the “what the fuck are you saying” kind of staring, but the kind where he no longer had control over his body because he was in so much inner turmoil.

And it was all Jun’s fault. Every single bit of it was Jun’s fault.

“... I’m going to leave you alone now. I’m sorry for exploding like that.” Ibara really liked his alone time, right? That was surely what Ibara needed right now, considering everything that had unfolded over the past few minutes. 

Jun turned to leave, but an all-familiar hand placed itself around his wrist. By the time he turned towards the face of its owner, Ibara had already started talking.

“I think I feel the same way as you.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“I… I believe that I share your feelings… regarding… us, however you phrase it.”

Ibara refused to make eye contact with Jun as he spoke in possibly the rawest voice Jun had ever heard from him, his grip on Jun’s wrist tightening ever so slightly, like a child who didn’t want their parents to go. 

“You…” Jun started, hesitant, not quite believing that he was still in reality. “You  _ like  _ me?”   
“Creating Lucifer had this... unintended side effect of confirming my suspicions.” 

“...”   
“...”

Nothing else needed to be said. Ibara’s hand on Jun’s wrist told him everything, all the way down from its coldness, to its slight tremble. Jun should have been over the moon at the prospect of his feelings being returned. He relived those memories again: from meeting Ibara, to practicing with him as Eden, their SS performance, the creation of Lucifer, sharing a meal that Ibara had made specifically for himself and Jun, late night strolls, and Lucifer’s performance. Ibara was fueled by something other than business- no, Ibara had been fueled by something far more than money, power, and whatever ambitions he had to cement himself as one of the most powerful businessmen in the idol industry. Jun should have been overwhelmingly happy at all of this, and yet…

Ibara looked like he desperately wanted to disappear, even as he held onto the person that he treasured most. And Jun couldn’t just ignore that.

Slowly, but surely, everything came together. Ibara’s discomfort had nothing to do with Jun’s personality, or his actions, or even anything related to him as a person. It was the world around them, an eternal warzone where no one was ever truly safe, and it had made sure to drill into Ibara’s being that attachment was an ultimate form of weakness. A weakness that could cause all of the years of Ibara’s hard work (work that Ibara had been doing for almost his whole life) to crumble to dust. Every single bit of effort that he exerted just to survive could be blown away in a matter of moments. 

Jun had suffered too, but it felt so trivial compared to what Ibara had gone through. And Ibara was displaying his most vulnerable self to Jun and Jun alone.

“It’s… it’s okay.” Jun wasn’t able to think properly at this stage, and he was sure that Ibara was the same, considering how uncharacteristic it was for him to not be composed. “We don’t have to be together.”

Ibara didn’t respond. Jun continued anyway, praying to whatever god up there that Ibara was sound of mind, because he really wanted him to listen to what he had to say.

“I know we both have feelings for each other, but we don’t have to be together. I want you to know that I just want you to be happy, so if dating makes you feel uncomfortable, then it’s okay if we don’t date.”   
“Dating will cause issues from an idol perspective. It is simply unprofessional for us to be involved in a relationship as long as I am your producer and you are an idol under me.” Jun wasn’t sure why Ibara was still trying to hide his emotions. His voice betrayed everything, from his discomfort, to that small, tiny hope that he could finally find a safe haven in the love of another person.

“Well, you probably don’t get close to people for a good reason, so I’m just saying that you don’t have to feel obligated to get close to me just because I like you and you like me.”    
“But won’t you be unhappy about that?”   
“... To be honest, yeah. I’d… I’d love to be able to spend more time together and, well,  _ love you _ , but it doesn’t work if you’re uncomfortable about it. It has to be mutual, you know?”

“...” Ibara looked at the hand that held Jun’s wrist before slowly letting go, and Jun felt every single brush of skin, the tips of those fingers as they left him. 

“I want to let you know that I’ll be here for you. You can talk to me about anything you want, or we can just sit together in silence, that’s okay with me too. If your schedule permits, we can grab dinner together, or go to the gym together, or even just sit and talk in your office. Or… if that’s too much… I can keep my distance, we’ll go back to just being fellow unit members, and we can pretend that we never had this conversation.” Jun tried to swallow a lump that had formed in his throat. “That… that’ll hurt for sure, but at least I can rest easy knowing that it was what you wanted.”

Silence. A choking silence that made Jun feel like he was drowning, but he had no intention of leaving Ibara like this when he had all the power in the world to warm up and melt the cold, hard, bleeding ice that was Ibara’s heart.

“I’ll wait for your response. I’ll be here for as long as you need, so please. Don’t hesitate to call out to me.”

* * *

_ A few months later… _

Jun remembered the first crowd that he faced as Lucifer. He also vividly remembered the first time he stood on stage with Ibara and Ibara alone, and that feeling of pure happiness when they finished their first Lucifer live. And Jun couldn’t believe that he was able to feel it again, except this time, Ibara was-

* * *

Hiyori couldn’t help but giggle during pack up, as he heard Jun and Ibara throw banter at each other.   
“... Those two are getting along very well.” Nagisa noted.    
“Mm! You can feel  _ that _ between them, right?”    
“... Yes.”   
“Wait, but that means Jun-kun might go to that snake now instead of me… what horrendous weather!”   
“... But you can come to me, Hiyori-kun.”   
“Ah, that’s right! I can never forget my cute Nagisa-kun!” Hiyori hopped forward and embraced Nagisa, not caring that both of them were still quite sweaty from their performance. Nagisa hugged back, smiling at the familiar sensation of his childhood friend.

Time flew extremely quickly for Jun. He knew that it was late at night, and that both he and Ibara needed rest very much, but going through the performance preparations, going on stage, and then packing up was all time spent with Ibara. It was time that he truly treasured. Time that he wished would go on forever.

Nagisa and Hiyori had already gone their separate ways, and Jun and Ibara stood alone in the night air.   
“I’m going to go back to my office to handle some last minute business! I hope that you will promptly rest.” Even though Jun was tired, that voice cut through all of the exhaustion. Of course it did. It was Ibara’s voice, after all.   
“You should too, Ibara. Don’t want me nursing you back to health again, right?”   
“It is true that getting ill is not a good thing! However, I promise that I will be quick!”   
“Is it really that urgent that you still need to work after a performance?”   
“You must understand that my duties require a lot of work! I cannot afford to waste a single minute.”    
“Heh, you’re talking to me right now, does that mean that you consider our time together to not be a waste?”   
“Of course, Jun! Spending time with my soulmate is never a waste!”

Jun couldn’t help but smile, and he was sure Ibara was the same. There was something about that facial expression that was more than the business smile that he used. There was also something about the way he said that last sentence that made it seem like he wasn’t completely joking.

An overwhelming urge to hug Ibara surfaced, but Jun pushed it down with all the willpower he had. There was no way that he was going to throw away all of those years of emotion by failing to follow some simple conditions. An informal yet powerful contract had been established all of those months ago, and as long as Jun followed those terms, he had a place in Ibara’s heart.

They waved to each other and headed separate ways, but one final glance was enough to communicate everything. 

They might have really been soulmates. 

**Author's Note:**

> So uh... this was what I was intending to post in last year's JunIba Day during October, but I ended up taking too long, RIP.
> 
> A massive, huge, super big thank you to [gigi (@amagiiz)](https://twitter.com/amagiiz?s=20) for proofreading this work!


End file.
